Every time you have a birthday, a child in Africa is starving. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! You know, I wouldn’t have remembered if Facebook hadn’t told me.

Today’s the day we go around to all of the chain restaurants and get your free dessert.

You should be happy your birthday isn’t forever overshadowed by 9/11.

This birthday, I hope more of your friends show up than notches on your bedpost.

This birthday, you’re going to learn how to draft a will, and how to include my name on it.

For your birthday, I put together this interpretive dance which I’m going to perform at the party.

So are we just going to keep exchanging this $20 bill for the rest of our lives, or what?

It’s your birthday, and for your sake, I hope everyone at the party gives you a pinch to grow an inch.

If you still have your umbilical cord, now’s a good time to whip it out.

Since you have everything else you could possibly need, I just brought you the silver spoon that was in your mouth when you were born.

While you’re being showered with compliments and birthday wishes, I’ve decided that now is the best time for a couple of redresses: trim that nose hair, and lose the unibrow.

Today marks the day of your separation from your mother, but not for a lack of trying on your part.